Staring Down the Barrel of a 45
by loveletterfromthefuture
Summary: Draco is trying to get past his guilt but everything keeps bringing him back down to the bottom of the well. Will the news of his first child bring him out of his misery? One shot, Songfic: .45 by Shinedown


**Send away for a priceless gift  
One not subtle, one not on the list  
Send away for a perfect world  
One not simply, so absurd**

"Happy birthday, my love."

"Draco, you didn't have to do this," she said, her eyes lying. She was loving every single second.

"I wanted to," I told her, handing her the small box.

"Should I try to guess?" she asked playfully, draping one of her long arms around my neck.

"You'll never be able to," I said, stealing a kiss.

"I'll try anyways," she said. She thought for a moment. "Is it jewelry?"

"Yes," I said with a grin.

"That wasn't very hard," she teased.

"You didn't go into the specifics," I defended.

"Fine," she thought for a moment longer. "Is it a diamond?"

"No."

"Hmmm. Is it a necklace?"

"Just open it, will you?"

"Very well," she said. She pulled the ribbon off and opened the box. In it lay a very small pendant, but her eyes lit up anyway. "Draco, are you sure?"

"Of course I am," I said looking in her eyes confidently.

She pulled the small pendant of a rose slowly and I watched her with amazement. She was truly wonderful. "Draco, you don't have to."

"Astoria, I want to promise myself to you." My gaze held so much love and so much contentment. "You've helped me see the light in the world again, I… no one else would ever do that. Astoria Greengrass, I'm promising myself to you. When the time is right, I'll ask your father for your hand in marriage. I love you more than anyone has ever loved anything."

Astoria simply smiled and laughed. "I love you too," she said before giving me a warm, but hungry kiss.

**In these times of doing what you're told  
Keep these feelings, no one knows**

_"Draco, could you come here please?" The high pitched voice came from behind me. I was terrified, my feet were glued to the floor, I didn't want to see his face again. _

_The room had other plans, despite my issue with moving, the room spun. It was a slow rotation, as if the wheel didn't quite fit. I could hear squeaks and creaks, moans and groans. I kept my eyes shut so I'd never have to see him again, my breathing quickened. If I kept this up I'd faint. _

_"Draco? Why did you fail me?" _

_"I didn't, sir," I said quickly. _

_"Oh, but Severus did the job, didn't he?" _

_"Sir, Severus stole the glory from me. I was ready." _

_"Of course you were, but are you willing to prove yourself to me?" _

_"Anything, sir," I said. _

_"Oh? Anything?" The floor just kept slowly spinning, I was starting to feel sick. _

_"Of course, I am your servant, my lord." _

_"Hmmm. Well, when you open your eyes, your task will be there. I would very much like it if you were to kill it. Don't think about it." The room stopped and the voice was behind me again. "Ready? One. Two. Three. Open your eyes." _

_I did, and I screamed, "Avada Kedavra!" There was a blinding green light and after my eyes adjusted I saw a woman. She was beautiful, long raven locks and pretty chocolate eyes. She wore a long green gown and she had a rose dangling from her neck. _

_Astoria. _

_My Astoria. _

_I screamed, but I still couldn't move. The room started to spin again, this time faster and faster. The high pitched voice had a mantra now, it just kept repeating, "You'll never get away, you'll never get away from me." _

**Whatever happened to the young man's heart  
Swallowed by pain, as he slowly fell apart**

I screamed and jolted out of bed. I was sweating and my heart was pounding. I kept my eyes shut and clenched my sheets.

"Draco, dear, whatever you saw didn't happen. Draco, Draco," a woman's voice pleaded.

I shook my head and fought against her words. It had been so real…

"Draco, listen to me, it's Astoria. You're fine, you're here with me."

Her voice calmed me, but I still refused to open my eyes and see her dead.

"Draco, look at me. Come on, love, it's me."

She was pulling on me now, giving up, I turned to look at her. When I saw her, I broke. She was alive, my Astoria was alive. I broke down and she pulled me into her naked chest, keeping me safe.

"Nothing is going to hurt you," she murmured.

"I'm not scared for me," I cried. I was sobbing now.

"Draco, nothing is going to hurt me, I've got you to protect me."

"What if I hurt you?"

"You can't hurt me, you love me too much." She said it as if it were nothing.

I agreed though, nodding like a child and she ran her fingers through my hair. She did this at least until I fell asleep again. This time I didn't have any nightmares.

**And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45,  
I'm swimming through the ashes of another life  
There's no real reason to accept the way things have changed  
Staring down the barrel of a 45**

I leafed through pictures of my parents as if they were nothing. My mother had passed in her sleep two nights ago and my father was nowhere to be found, which left me to sort through their lives.

I sat on the floor against a wall of my father's study. There were piles of papers and pictures all around me. I heard the footsteps from down the hall and I knew it was her, I could tell if it were her if there were a million people walking down that hallway.

She came in and made my heart bloom like a flower. I yearned to be with her, touching her at every moment. I almost moved to her, but she beat me to it. She set down the heavy looking box and shuffled some papers out of her way before sitting next to me.

"That should be the last of it," she said weakly.

"Astoria, you don't have to help me," I said looking her in the eye.

"I know, but you need me," she said.

"I always need you," I said honestly.

"Exactly, so what have we got here?" she asked.

"Pictures, this box was from her childhood. You never met my aunt, did you?"

"No, but who is that other girl?"

"Good, and that's Andromeda Tonks, I never met her until last year. She married a muggle-born and you know how that goes," I said.

"Yeah."

"I miss her." She knew I wasn't talking about either of my aunts.

"I know," she said and she leaned her head against mine.

**Send a message to the unborn child  
Keep your eyes open for a while  
In a box high up on the shelf, left for you, no one else  
There's a piece of a puzzle known as life  
Wrapped in guilt, sealed up tight**

I laid my head on her chest with my hand on her stomach. We were doing things a little unconventionally, child first, marriage second apparently. She told me last night, but she was having a hard time with everything. She wasn't ready to be a mother yet.

"Names?" she asked.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked.

"For a girl I'd like it if we named her after your mother," she said.

"Narcissa?" I asked.

"Or Belladonna," she said. "Belladonna Marie."

"Marie?"

"I like Marie."

"I do too, but I'm used to names like Belladonna. Marie, is nice, simple."

"Simple is good," she said.

"What about for a boy?" I asked.

"I've always liked the name Scorpius," she said.

"Back to names like Belladonna," I teased.

"So? It's a good name, my grandfather's name," she said.

"I think it's my great-great grandfather's name," I said.

"I knew it, we're purebloods, were going to be related somehow," she joked.

"You're not my great-great cousin are you?" I laughed.

"Merlin, I hope not," she prayed.

We were silent for a moment before I said, "Vincent."

"What?"

"Scorpius Vincent," I offered.

"I like that," she said.

And in that instant, I knew our child was going to be a boy. I don't know why, but I was certain of it.

We laid like that for a long time, until she drifted off into slumber. When she finally did, I went into my study and found a box my mother had given me a long time ago. On a piece of parchment I wrote;

_Dear Scorpius Vincent,_

_This is going to be real bothersome if you end up being Belladonna Marie, but I just wanted to let you know that you were named after one of the most loyal people I ever had the pleasure of calling a friend. Vincent Crabbe died following me and I will never forget that. I led him astray because I was following something I didn't believe in. _

_Scorpius, please, stand up for what you believe in. Don't be a sheep, be a shepherd. Make your own light, don't stand behind someone else's brightness. Don't make my mistake, don't be a coward. _

_I already love you so much, and you're currently nine weeks old in your mother's womb. _

_-__Draco Mal_

_-Dad_

I placed the parchment in the box and I after a bit of rummaging I found what I was looking for. My only picture of Vincent Crabbe by himself. He was smiling and eating several chocolate frogs through the moving picture. I smiled at the memory of us on the train. I placed it in the box as well, closed it, and put it up on a shelf where I would hopefully forget about it until my son was much older.

I left my study and got in bed with my fiancé. I laid my head on her chest and placed my hand back on her stomach and sleep caught me quickly.

I never had a nightmare again after that night.


End file.
